Your Relator Talent: Forming Deep Bonds
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'" - C.S. Lewis
“Relator” is my third talent, and to be honest, it’s one that I struggle to fully embrace as a strength. My "Relator" talent contributes to my introversion; I prefer forming deep, close bonds with people I already know rather than engaging in small talk or meeting new people. This aspect of my personality makes me a great coach because it helps build trust quickly, allowing my clients to feel comfortable opening up to me. However, it also comes with challenges.
I garner trust easily, but I don't trust easily in return. This can make it hard for others to get to know me if they aren't already part of my close circle, which can leave the wrong impression. I'm still working to understand and effectively use this talent, learning to see it as a valuable strength rather than a limitation.
Tucked into CliftonStrengths' Relationship-Building domain, the “Relator” talent describes people who are socially selective and who have a deep desire to see people for who they really are. They naturally create emotionally safe environments where others feel comfortable sharing their true thoughts and feelings, trusting that those thoughts and feelings will be respected and protected.
If “Relator” is one of your top talents, you're likely introverted, caring, and genuine. You probably prefer deep and meaningful relationships, value close connections over superficial interactions, and are seen as a confidant. You prefer to invest your time and energy in a few close relationships rather than spreading yourself thin across many acquaintances. Your ability to build trust quickly and your dedication to understanding and supporting others make you a reliable presence for others.
Similarities and Differences with Other Talents
Understanding the “Relator” talent means recognizing how it compares and contrasts with other CliftonStrengths talents:
“Relator” and “WOO”: Both are social talents. But while “Relator” prefers social depth, “WOO” prefers social breadth, delighting in forming many connections.
“Relator” and “Includer”: Both want to know people. But while “Includer” wants to know who isn't yet in their circle and invite them in, “Relator” wants to know more about the people who are already in their circle.
Leverage the “Relator” Talent
Lead with “Relator”: Create a culture of transparency and authenticity within your team. Be yourself and share relatable details about yourself with your team often. Create bonding opportunities for your team members to connect in more casual, relaxed settings where they can let their guards down and get to know each other better.
Work with “Relator”: Seek out activities and involvement that offer the chance to build and deepen mutual bonds with others. This might involve inviting a colleague to grab a coffee, sending a collaborator a gift or sweet note on their birthday, or just sharing your plans for the weekend with your co-workers casually. Initially, this may feel like unwelcomed socializing, but you'll be more effective with people once you feel a sincere connection. Eventually you’ll form the deeper partnerships you enjoy and that you’ll need to rely on in the future.
Live with “Relator”: Let go of the need to be excellent at small talk and spend more time with your closest, trusted circle. Look for opportunities to go the extra mile for the people you're close to. It's okay to be picky with where you spend your social energy, as long as you're spending it somewhere.
Coach Someone with “Relator”: Be ready for cautious evaluation of the coaching relationship at first. They may be slow to warm up and trust you. This comes from the great care they take in maintaining and elevating the quality of the bonds they form. Be patient and transparent with them. Expect loyalty, authenticity, and a desire to move beyond surface-level interactions once you’ve passed the initial warm-up stage.
Discover the Strength of Your “Relator” Talent
Find out if “Relator” is one of your dominant talents with the CliftonStrengths Full 34 Report or CliftonStrengths Top 5 Report, gaining personalized insights and strategies to maximize your potential.
Discover your top talents with the CliftonStrengths assessment:
